New Mommy Reflections

It is my first Mother’s Day this year, and I can’t help but take the time to reflect on what it is to be a mother now that I have my beautiful little baby girl. I thought that I understood a mother’s love. I thought that I completely grasped how deep a mother’s love can go, having experienced the love my mother gave me. I have felt my mother’s love, I have witnessed a mother’s love, but nothing prepared me for the overwhelming feeling of the truly deep love that came over me when I met my baby girl. There is no comparison to anything else in my life.

Everyone always tells you, “just wait, you’ll never love something so much.” Well they are right. I know I’m only 7 weeks into this thing they call motherhood, but after nine months of pregnancy, to finally have my baby in my arms is truly unreal. Let the mommy guilt and worry commence over every little rash, sneeze, and cry! From every little finger to every little toe. Start the second guessing of every decision being made: Is that the right diaper cream? Is this soap the best non-toxic soap I can find? Should I let her self sooth? Did we get the right carseat? Is that too much spit up? What is the right bottle to use?! I have a feeling this will never end… Nevertheless, my little cub is here and I will do anything to protect her. I will fight to the death to make sure she is safe, healthy, and happy.

What I am realizing along with this pure happiness of having here in my arms, is the amount of bad in the world. I use to have a much more optimistic outlook on the world and the people in it. But that quickly changed when it was no longer about me; now I am bringing my kid into it. As a teacher I tried not to judge the parents go my kindergarteners, because I knew I was not yet a parent and didn’t completely grasp what that meant. However, no I can see that there is even more for me to judge after feeling this great amount of love and the need to protect my daughter; to give her the best of myself, and the best that she deserves. I know this can  come off harsh, but the amount of bad parents that would ever inflict harm to their little angels, that couldn’t be bothered to talk to their child, spend time with them, or acknowledge them is something that I have witnessed in my own classroom on a daily basis. It’s sad, but you see it everyday on the news and in your local communities. It blows my mind and breaks my heart. I fear for my little girl of 7 weeks, for what she will have to face in this changing world. Add that on top of worrying about what she is eating, who she is hanging out with, and her overall mental happiness. Yes, mothers need a day of acknowledgement, but it should be more than that! For all that those good moms out there have gone through, not only bringing us into this world, but also how they shaped the world around us as we grew up. Everyone knows that MOM runs the show. She is the true captain of your family ship. She is the reason why there is that saying; “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” Well at least that’s the way it was in my house. 😉

I wanted to include in this little rant my WANTS for my daughter. Hoping that by putting all this out into the universe, that it will all come to fruition.

I want my daughter to know that she IS enough. That staying true to herself is the greatest thing she can do. I want her to be fearless with her dreams and with love. I want her to value family and hard work. I want her to find her passions and stick to them. I want her to fail, (within reason lol) because from our failures come our greatest lessons. I want her to have the confidence in herself to take on any of life’s obstacles. I want her to be healthy and strong. I want her to think for herself. I want her to find true happiness. I want her to experience the world with an open mind.

In order for all these things to come true, I know I will have to be there as a guiding force, just like my mom is for me. So I will tell her what my mama told me, that has always stuck with me: “Remember your name.” It was my mom’s way of saying, remember who you are, where you come from, and what you are capable of. That was all I needed most of the time, in order to overcome my reservation, and to face the world with a fearless heart. For the other times, I knew that she was just a phone call away when I needed her opinion.

To end with, I want to say thank you to my mom. Thank you for all that you have put your body through so that I could come into this world your child. Thank you for the amazing love and care you have given me. Thank you for making sure I always had socks on in publix and a sweater or “wrap” in every restaurant. Thank you for being my teacher. Thank you for being strict even when it wasn’t easy. Thank you for caring enough to “show up” at various high school gatherings to make sure I was ok. Thank you for always being involved in my childhood. Thank you for all the recitals, auditions, school room holidays, games, award ceremonies, and life events that you were always present for. Thank you for not only supporting my dreams, but also keeping me grounded and focused. Thank you for being an example of not only a strong woman, but a truly amazing example of what it is to be a wonderful mother!

What is something that you are the most thankful for that your mom has done for you?

Photo credit: http://www.ellekaypictures.com